Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
