By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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