Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
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I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
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You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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