god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you would pick up someone in the library
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
