you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
