Your mouth is God's brothel.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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