You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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