Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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