did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
