I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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