There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
