How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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