im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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