I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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