You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
