sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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