Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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