so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
