Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
send nudes
from the living room?
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