final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
