I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
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My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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