Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
