i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
the liver wants what the liver wants
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
