He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
