God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
