Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
