apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize