Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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