I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
