I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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