If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
