I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
