OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am available for nakedness
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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