Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
