dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
