i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
