I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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