My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
