What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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