I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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