you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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