he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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