I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
