Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
