hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
