my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize