My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
