plz talk dirty to me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
