The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
