On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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