he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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