What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
