On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
