Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
40s are totally the cure
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
