and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
