We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
