i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
