my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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