I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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