A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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