I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
