If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart