Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him