I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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