I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
