I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
