There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
