Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
