The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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