I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
