my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
