the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
