Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
