I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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