I'm jealous of your bromance
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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