yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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