I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
