I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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