oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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